A new semester.

Last semester kicked my ass. Not really in the way most people would describe getting their ass kicked, but in a more tired, debilitating way. I've sort of come to think of myself as a disappointment to LMU. I don't think it's all my fault, just mostly. I've been too lazy and I didn't have much heart. It's not like it happened without me knowing it; I could tell that I was conciously living beneath the life I want to live. You would think that simply knowing that would be enough to make a change, but I guess I'm learning that not all of those kinds of changes happen quickly. More than just time, it takes day to day effort.

So here are the things I've proposed for myself. First of all, there's this. I'm hoping this blog writing gives me a sense of accountability if it dosen't make me feel better about what I'm doing. Maybe it will decrease my fear of writing on that damn microsoft word page. I think I can some up the rest of the changes I hope to make with- active living. I don't want to do whatever I have to do that day, and then slink back to my apartment. Oddly enough that may involve taking on more of the things I don't like to do: working a few more hours at the school of ed., excercising at the pool, eating healthy. I want to work hard.

Some people would say that you have to be more focused and specific when you make lifestyle changes like this, and that my scope is too broad. I have to admit there is a certain amount of impatience in me when I think about these things. I want to be better...now. But for whatever reason, it's just my way. A few months from today, I may find myself in the same state I was at the end of this last semester, but hopefully if I can take advantage of this little blip of energy, I might be able to make it out of the doldrums.

I am 22 years old already. Seeing that in writing is a little motivation in itself.