Sometimes it's just better to write when my shoes are on and my contacts are dry in my eyes. I'm back at school, but I my foot steps are so barely touching the ground at Loyola Marymount. I'm half way on the plane to Chicago already. This last week cemented some decisions in my life, and that's just the way things are going to be. At least that's just the way things are going to be planned on, and if they change well then things will roll like they always seem to fall.

I've been giving more and more consideration to abandoning the academic lifestyle. Don't worry, I won't be jumping ship over open waters; I have every intention of finishing out my master's degree in philosophy. I still have plenty of things to learn here, and I owe quite a bit to quite a few people- including myself- before I can cut loose. When I left college at St. Mary's I had to make up enough determination to say that the philosophic life was right, and that I could make a life out of it. Now I've learned that philosophic life may not necessarily coincide with a PhD and a tenure track, no matter how much my professors say that scholastics and academics are complentary with the pursuit of truth. If I am going to be true with myself and live to my potential I have to honestly consider what will lead to happiness. If that means teaching at a high school, and leaving the world of higher academics behind- c'est la vie.

I'm not turning my back on it all. I think that would be just as detrimental to my vision as plodding on the PhD track without considering what I'd rather be doing. I very well my find myself a few years from now submitting articles for journals and applying to universities. But at this point I think the right thing for me is grow up, and that will take some real introspection. If I can suceed in being truly contemplative without the academic collar around my neck, I think I will have reached a point where I can branch out to professorship or even authorship. I really need to experience the wonder and majesty as I did when I was in the program. And I need to know that I can do that on my own, without trying to satisfy someone who is ready to evaluate me.

Above and beyond all that there is family and friends, and really what else is there. I'm ready to be there.